Children and Chores Part 4
12 Tips for successful charts!
Many parents like chore charts. You can do an internet search and find a ton of examples. You can also find them in big box stores or learning stores. I have certainly used them in my house!
While the charts are a great tool, there are some aspects to consider as you begin a new chart or revise the ones you use now.
Be reasonable in your expectations.
This is a sticky one. If you missed our post about why children (and spouses) don’t do chores, check that out here. Make sure that the things you are asking your child (spouse? yourself?) to complete is reasonable. Is there enough time to do this task? Does the child know how to complete it? Do they know what complete looks like for the task?
The house does not need to be ready for royalty to visit. It needs to be clean and safe.
Be an example
It is a good idea to have a checklist for yourself that your children can see you working from. It does not have to be on the wall or have fun magnets. But if having something like that helps you, do it!
Get organized before you expect everyone else too
Make sure that the items needed for the tasks are available before you ask kids to start on their charts. Everyone will feel frustrated if the task is to clean the windows and there’s no glass cleaner. It’s also good to have an idea of the plan everyone will follow before you bring it up with the rest of your family.
I also recommend having a paired down chore list for busy weeks. Only include the big items that must be done (trash to the curb? litter box? dishes?). This way you already have a plan for when life gets hectic.
Involve the kids (and spouse) in the process of selecting or making a chart.
This does not have to be days of shopping or asking them about every small detail. It does mean that a child’s preferences need to be explored and included as the chart develops. Maybe your child wants a chart with magnets and another wants one with a checklist. Maybe one child needs a checklist to complete each task and another can read the item and go do it. Think about these things, but don’t spend forever. Perfect should not be the enemy of good.
Make chore charts visual.
Visual charts does not mean that it needs to have fancy pictures, or crazy cool graphics. It just means something that the child can refer to in a way that is appropriate for their age. For little kids it should be pictures because they can’t read. For older kids that can read, text is just fine.
Have consequences without being harsh
The consequences for not doing the chores as assigned should be clear at the beginning. Everyone should know what the risk is for not completing a task. Consequences should be logical or natural. The natural results for an undone chore is that they need to still do it. Which is fine, but often there needs to be more oomph in the consequence for chores. I think a logical consequence is that they have to do one of the adult chores. You had to take time away from what you were doing to discuss or provide more supervision, so they now have to make up that time for you. My favorite for this? Assign the tasks that rarely get done or aren’t on the chore charts (wiping baseboards, scrubbing the space behind the toilet, cleaning under the couch cushions).
The other reason you want to have consequences up front is to avoid uneven punishment based on your emotions or fatigue. We all know that there are times we are so frustrated that we would like to assign weeks of chores, or say they will never get an allowance ever again. Making the decision at the beginning makes sure that everyone knows the possible risks and makes sure everyone is level headed when creating the plan.
Consider the rewards.
The rewards don’t have to be daily, but small rewards weekly is a good idea. Really what you are after is that the family members get reinforcement for doing what they are asked to an acceptable level.
When my kids were little I would give them the small candy bars while they did homework. We called them homework treats and they only got them if they were doing academic tasks (reading, homework, etc).
Other examples can be special desserts once a week for those that got things done. Maybe if everyone really knocks it out of the park, you take the family out for dessert.
You could also have a chore on the weekend that they can skip if they did well all week.
The rewards should fit the task and the family budget. It makes no sense to buy $140 shoes for someone because they made the bed one time, but it also makes no sense to not do something that reenforces the behavior you want to see.
Include homework and mandatory activities
It is really easy to overschedule kids with chores. There are so many things to get done! But if the parents are expecting the child to get homework done, practice the piano and go to karate class, those should be built in to the chore chart.
I will say that on my personal chart, I often include “Go to work”. That way when I get home, I already have something to cross off. It may sound silly, but man, it helps me get started on the other tasks!
Make sure there are breaks.
It is easy to think of a million tasks that need to be done. However, what we are also teaching our children is what balance looks like. Make sure that kids have enough time to complete tasks. When schedules change or there’s a busy week for you or your family, reflect it in the chores required. It is okay for some things to not be done sometimes. Prioritize the tasks.
I think that the pattern of 6 days of chores and one weekly chore is a great idea. That way the child can do their weekly chore either on the 7th day or on a different day and get a day off!
Keep it interesting.
Having to do the same thing everyday can be boring at best and a little soul crushing at worst. So, how do we make the most mundane tasks interesting? Great question! Check out my post with some ideas here, but also you can have a rotating chore list. For example, on Week 1 a child does a certain list of things, and on Week 2 they switch with a sibling or with some of the tasks that the parents do. This also increases their ability to do multiple chores without overwhelming them every week.
Supervise.
Ultimately supervision should be done in a manner that adults would appreciate in the workplace. That means don’t hover, but be available. When kids are very little, supervision does mean that you are much closer by, but still letting them do the task as they can.
Train your workers.
If your child has never done a task before, you need to teach them how to do it and how to know when it is done. Make sure that you are thinking of the steps in the chores and that they are capable of doing each step. If they can do some of it, but not all, that’s okay! Come up with a plan of how they will do what they can. A good example is a child unloading the dishwasher, but not being able to reach the top shelf to put something away. It is always preferrable to give them an options for independence, like a step stool. If that isn’t safe or available, give them a specific spot to place it and then someone else can be responsible for putting things away on the high shelf.
Remember training a task can be direct, but it can also be incidental. One of my favorite methods it to talk out loud to myself as I am working through a task. When my children are present, and probably sometimes when they are not, I say walk through tasks out loud. It might sound like “Okay, I have loaded the dishwasher and done the hand wash dishes. Dishes also means a clean sink and counter. I will do the counter next.” I do this both to keep myself on track, but also to have them see that I walk through the steps of the chores. They can observe me doing the chore as they have been taught to do it.
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